How to: accept your Procrastinator status like a Pro
Let’s just get it off the plate, shall we? Procrastination is a disease. And like an STD, you’d rather not catch it – but your lame ass does anyway.
Scientists don’t see it yet, but “following a shitload of thorough ass analysis” they will agree that the effects it has on a person’s psyche is highly disturbing and quite frankly, annoying. You don’t have to do anything (sacrificied myself), just read or (nah) smirk at these following life changing steps. At the end of the day, you are who you are.
I should know, I’m a serial pro-crastinator.
And besides, it’s 3 am. Insomnia kicked in. (LOL! It’s funny, because..)
Step 1: “‘Scuse me!”
Now, I don’t suppose everyone suffers my plight. But i’ve come to the realization that excuses are great and they make me feel better. I have books to read and exams to prepare and projects to bring to life, movies to watch and recipe to recreate but hey, am I doing something to change the situation?
Yes, you guessed it, yours truly ain’t doing jack shit about it.
Step 2: “It’s not you, It’s me”
Let it go, let it slide baby. You are not (that) lazy, it’s just a battle you can’t win. Your mind might probably be on a highly caffeinated marathon but your body, not so much. In this game of Mind vs Boday – you strongwill suffers, your good intentions will die before the sun sets. Let it go already, abandon yourself to sweet idleness. You lose. Blame yourself later.
Step 3: “In an african family, you can either be a doctor, a lawyer or a disappointment”
You have to come to the realization that you really are not lazy simply because LAZY isn’t the right word to explain how you feel about yourself most of times. The word you are looking for is – DISAPPOINTED. Or purposeless. Whichever depresses you more.
Step 4: “Cash me ousside, howboudah?”
You have got 99 problems and one intense case of psychological distress. While you sit or lie down in your place of choice, your conscience keeps gnawing a black hole from within. You probably feel at your best – constantly being torn between unease and squimish in your own skin. You would rather jump out of your skin and shake your carcass up like a barman would expertly do with his cocktail mixer than hear someone complain about “your problem”.
Step 6: Distractions.
You’ve become well accustomed with your room now. Isn’t it funny how you get to cleaning when you don’t want to get to the nitty gritty? You’d rather climb the Everest, wouldn’t you? You’d rather get yelled at by Gordon Ramsey, would ya? You’d rather prep for the Red Wedding, huh?
I understand. My room’s clean too.
Step 5: “I’ve got this fam!”
It’s ok to feel this way sometimes but I will really need you to snap out of it sometime soon. I mean, the rush of being able to get shit done in a shorter amount of time than your peer is great! Adrenalinic (?) even but eh, no one ever said adulting was fun. At least now, you can start counting down to your next totally undeserved break and procrastinative (??) session.
Ah true, the accepting part. I will write it soon, just wait.
(…it actually took me 4 days to finish and post this shit.)