“Don’t you wan’t to get married?”
I grew in a society where adults, the male adults, were always given a hall pass when they’d cheat on their “better halves” and kids and it will all go archived under the folder “O mo bi awon okunrin se ma ‘nse” – you know how men are – the foolery, the disrespect! The society frowned upon divorce, the majority of women who wouldn’t yield to this act considered their religious beliefs too.
“Why don’t you wan’t to get married?”
Why don’t I think marriage is the only thing to aim for in life is what you should be asking me, adults.
I find myself talking of parents with my peers than love, sex, exams, abstinence or drugs. We talk of how fragile they are, how we totally understand their shortcomings and how we hate the toll it’s taken on us, how we despise the fact that their parents are probably to blame as their grandparents are, going up the family tree, blatantly disrespecting one’s roots.
“Where did you get that attitude from? Not in this house!”
Our parents have set a certain miscontrued path for my generation, that I’ve to keep explaining to two of my girlfriends on whatsapp that the fact that their partners keep calling them whores or belittling them is just not fucking acceptable.
I grew in a society where the women never talked back to their husbands ( you must lack hometraining), their fathers (are you a bastard?) or the endless lines of uncles and “uncles” who would just tarnish the images of strong ass women who, in moments of serious bullying, never really stood up for themselves.
I lived in Nigeria for 11 years, you see? And the rest of who I am is all “westernized”, as some people would rightfully put it.
“You are a coconut”
“A coconut – brown outside, white on the inside.”
I’m closer to my 30s than I was to my 20s and it’s been a long way coming, trying to define who I am, who I’ve become and who I’d love to be.
“Are you more of a Nigerian or Italian?”
Am I in the right for standing against something most of my Nigerian peers would rather think as normal? Would I be wrong for bandwagoning instead, trying to show just how “black” I can be on the inside too?
Kids like me who are “the best of both worlds” have some issues they like kicking to the curb every now and again. Sometimes, the adults around them choose not to see these issues and/or acknowledge them and unfortunately, it ricochets. So when easy, stupid questions like:
“Na wa o, o de ti dagba ni nsi ‘si, ni ‘gbawo l’oma gbe oko wa le?”
I zone out, ain’t finna get cursed out by uncles and aunties or otherwise who just don’t understand they are probably the reason there are so many insecure millenials out here who just aren’t ready for whatever dark hole every other Aunty Tope or Brother Sunday is trying to push them into. I’m schleep. I’m cynic too. I mean, I love love but if this charade the society viciously asks of me does happen, It’s gotta be done once, right and It’s gotta be healthy too, you know?
When that is gonna happen is a story for the gods.